Sunday, 10 November 2024

Strategic Listening: When Communication Becomes a Performance

Strategic listening is the phenomenon where people “listen” without any real intention of understanding, aiming instead to maintain a superficial interaction that serves their own purposes. In contemporary societies, the pressure to show immediacy and “knowledge” often leads to rushed, pre-packaged responses. However, this superficial communication alienates people and results in an empty exchange of ideas, where genuine understanding is rarely achieved. As Goffman (1959) observes, this need for “projection” and self-affirmation functions as a social “performance” that ultimately reinforces social distance instead of fostering mutual understanding.

Nichols (2009) argues that genuine listening is a fundamental practice for healthy relationships, as it allows us to overcome the obstacles of self-centered perception and truly connect with others. In contrast, those who engage in strategic listening ignore this benefit and are caught in interactions that resemble more of a pretence of dialogue rather than authentic communication.

Many choose to listen strategically, maintaining a distance to avoid commitment or exposure to new ideas. This approach does not go unnoticed: those who practice it often reveal themselves through their mechanical responses and indifference toward the other person. As Hochschild (1983) notes, strategic listening is a form of “emotional labour” that ends up functioning more as manipulation than as a genuine approach, creating relationships that are superficial rather than meaningful.

The phenomenon of strategic listening is rooted in social and psychological pressures. We live in a world where speed and the projection of knowledge have become ultimate values. People feel pressured to respond immediately and without hesitation, fearing they may appear “uninformed” or “slow.” This pressure leads to a superficial approach to listening, where the response is not a product of understanding but a standardized reaction based on preconceived notions and stereotypes. Argyris (1990) observes that this practice actually undermines organizational learning and growth, as it excludes the genuine engagement and critical thinking necessary for progress.

The workplace is one environment where strategic listening has become entrenched, especially in roles such as those of managers. For obvious reasons, managers often need to appear as if they are listening to their employees without necessarily giving full attention or committing to every suggestion. This practice is particularly evident in cases where balance must be maintained and authority or established plans should not be questioned. Hypocritical listening thus becomes a management tool that allows managers to show they take others' opinions into account without threatening decisions or strategic direction. This is a form of control over information and expectations, often serving organizational goals but frequently damaging employee trust. Employees, aware of this practice, end up feeling distanced or losing interest, creating a cycle of lack of genuine communication and mutual understanding.

In contrast to strategic listening, the spiritual dimension of communication can serve as an antidote and a response to this superficial behaviour. Genuine listening is not based merely on simple reactions but on an active willingness to understand others. Nouwen (1981) argues that true listening is an act of humility, allowing us to set our ego aside and engage in an authentic human connection. True listening is an act of offering and understanding that eliminates the need for strategies and self-promotion. The person who listens sincerely has the power to offer their conversation partner the space and time needed to express themselves, thus bringing out their best self. Communication thus becomes a mutual sharing and a spiritual connection that transcends superficial interactions. Humility and a true willingness to understand are, therefore, the only true defences against the hypocrisy of strategic listening and the means to restore authenticity to human interaction.

References

  1. Goffman, E. (1959). The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life.
  2. Nichols, M. P. (2009). The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships.
  3. Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling.
  4. Argyris, C. (1990). Overcoming Organizational Defenses: Facilitating Organizational Learning.
  5. Nouwen, H. J. M. (1981). Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life.

 

Sunday, 3 November 2024

Observational Presence: Knowledge, Understanding, and the Wisdom of Humility

The knowledge of another person, or even of nature, is an art that requires much more than mere observation or assimilation of information. In The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, a distinctive phrase highlights this essence: “You only understand what you’re willing to tame.” In this phrase, we find an approach that moves away from the idea of possession and views knowledge as an act of acceptance and genuine coexistence. This stance, where one acknowledges their position as a silent witness, opens the way to observational presence—a discreet and sensitive approach to reality that allows for true understanding.

Observational presence, which enables genuine knowledge of the other, is the fundamental principle embodied in the teachings of Orthodox saints such as Saint Paisios, Saint Porphyrios, and Saint Joseph the Hesychast. These saints emphasized humility not merely as a virtue but as the basis for complete understanding and acceptance of others, whether of God or of fellow human beings. Observational presence, as understood by the saints, is not merely silent observation; it is an act of humility, a careful approach without imposition.

This humility establishes the potential for knowing and understanding the Other. Saint Paisios spoke of humility as a necessary means for the clarity of the soul. A humble person can observe others without desiring to “correct” or control them, which is often an obstacle to true knowledge. Observational presence allows us to see clearly because it removes our need to be right, to possess the other, or to influence them. Through this form of “silence,” the Other is accepted as they are, revealing their truths to us with authenticity.

Saint Porphyrios, in turn, emphasized that true love and humility do not aim at any form of dominance over the Other but rather at their selfless understanding and acceptance. He noted that true love is based on inner peace and the absence of arrogance. In this state, the soul is clear, ready to receive the truth of the other without imposing its own images or interpretations. Thus, the humble soul is able to listen to the Other with genuine observational presence, without shaping or “correcting” their way of being.

Saint Joseph the Hesychast offers an even deeper approach to humility, speaking of “kenosis,” the complete and absolute surrender of the Ego, which allows entry into the divine experience. At this level, observational presence takes on an almost mystical character. The person who undergoes kenosis, or who is stripped of personal attachments, becomes open to fully accepting the truth of the Other and gaining a profound awareness of their existence. In this attitude of “non-intervention,” the knowledge of the Other becomes natural and effortless, as it arises from the observer’s deep tranquility.

Observational presence, like humility, also appears in philosophy, where thinkers highlight the importance of absolute acceptance of the Other. Martin Buber, in his book I and Thou, describes a fundamental distinction between the “I-Thou” relationship and the “I-It” relationship. The former is a relationship of true presence, in which one accepts the Other as a complete being without limiting them to the measures of one's own desires or needs. This stance requires humility and a complete rejection of the need to control and manipulate the Other. Observational presence here means precisely this: an open and receptive relationship based not on possession but on respectful coexistence.

Observational presence is also central to the philosophy of Martin Heidegger, who believes that openness to the truth of the world requires a disposition free from domination. Heidegger uses the concept of “un-covering,” where reality emerges on its own, without imposition by the observer. In this approach, humility is expressed as the absolute concession of freedom to the Other. Knowledge is not something that is “controlled,” but something that is accepted. Observational presence, according to Heidegger, thus emerges as the most authentic form of understanding, where one withdraws and allows existence to reveal itself as it is.

In psychology, observational presence has primarily been approached through the concept of empathy and humility as fundamental virtues for building healthy and meaningful relationships. Studies show that humility promotes empathy and openness, removing the pressures of the Ego that often create conflicts in interpersonal relationships. Observational presence allows a person to listen and perceive the Other without projecting their own desires or needs. In this context, humility is a tool that helps the observer avoid arbitrary judgments, cultivating the ability for genuine acceptance.

Observational presence is also well-documented in neuroscience. One of the key mechanisms for understanding the Other is mirror neurons, which activate when we observe the movements or emotions of others, allowing us to feel as though we are experiencing the same thing. This biological process shows that true understanding requires our silent acceptance of the Other’s experiences, as observational presence promotes internal identification without coercion. In this state, the knowledge of the Other comes through their natural expression, allowing authentic understanding of their emotions and behavior.

Observational presence and humility together offer a form of knowledge that does not seek to conquer, correct, or control. In a world where knowledge is often treated as something to be conquered, observational presence offers an alternative way of understanding, more authentic and profound. Instead of trying to impose our perceptions on others, we can accept them as they are, allowing their knowledge to affect us without coercion. This kind of knowledge is at the heart of wisdom and invites us to approach the world with respect, openness, and love.

References

  1. Saint Paisios, Logoi, Vol. 2, I.M. Souroti, 1993.
  2. Saint Porphyrios, Life and Words, Athens, 2014.
  3. Saint Joseph the Hesychast, Letters, Mount Athos, 1997.
  4. Buber, Martin, I and Thou, Scribner, 1970.
  5. Heidegger, Martin, Being and Time, Harper & Row, 1927.
  6. Davis, Don, et al. Humility as a Predictor of Psychological and Social Functioning, Journal of Positive Psychology, 2011.
  7. Rizzolatti, Giacomo, & Craighero, Laila, The Mirror-Neuron System, Annual Review of Neuroscience, 2004.